Exactly 4 months ago I received a call from my cousin to give me the worst news of my life thus far. My grandmama has passed...I was in complete denial...hysterical crying begging her to please tell me that it wasn't true. Can you believe how dumb, pain can make you that I actually thought (or maybe was hoping) that my cousin was playing with something as sensible as death.
It took me over 5 minutes to return to reality and realized that no one would cause me that big of a pain if it wasn't true. Why? Why? Why? That's all I could think at that moment, especially when the next day I was flying to Puerto Rico to be 2 weeks with her, and then bring her with me for a month. Why didn't I have the chance to be with her those two weeks? Why couldn't I kiss her for the last time? Why couldn't I tell her how much she changed my life, and how much I loved her? Why things had to be this way?
Then I realized that God works in mysterious and miraculous ways. Imagine she would've passed while I was there visiting her? Could I have lived thru that? I know perfectly clear that the answer its NO WAY. I would've gone insane. And do my kids need and insane mama? No they don't. So, in a way I'm thankful that things happened the way they did.
I'm still waiting for time to heal this heartache...they say it gets easier and easier as time goes by. Geez, can you tell me when that would be? For me is the complete opposite. It's getting worse and worse because I'm missing her more and more as each day goes by. I miss her smile, talking to her over the phone, giving her dozens of kisses. I remember that every birthday while I was with her physically I would give her as many kisses as her birthdays...and once I moved to New York it would be thru the phone. This year would've been 82 kisses....kisses that I never got to blew at her since her birthday was in August.
I know she's in a better place now, but gosh do I miss her...
No comments:
Post a Comment